After a Year

A year. Yes…the shortest year has just passed by..but it hardly feels so. I was thinking of how I would describe the year bygone ….. eventful,  hectic, tiring, inspiring…yeah..all of them…but overall, ’positive’ would be word to sum it up.

I joined TFI in search of the ‘aim in life’ I was missing since I joined an engineering college(before that I had one : ‘to be an engineer’ J). I knew that I loathed my software profession; however I did not know what I wanted. I had a vague concept that I wanted to do ‘something for the society’. Although, I had zero idea on what and how.  And then, TFI happened.

That my life has changed after joining TFI would be an under-statement. I have completed my first year of fellowship with multiple failures and few successes. Before embarking on my final journey next year,  I got a two-month summer break. I decided not to pursue any summer internship mostly because I wanted to take a break, relax and look back. But when you are staying out of your home for last 11 years, its difficult to just sit around at home for a month. So I was looking for things I would be interested in here in my hometown. A friend informed me about a free coaching center run by a few dedicated people.  I decided to visit the center once I am home.

So, one fine morning, I went to a government primary school and found that a great effort is being put by a few extraordinary people. I felt so empowered with the experience and knowledge I gathered throughout my first year of teaching that I could help them with. Once the word spread in the social media, there was a huge response from people willing to do their bit.  Strangely, very few of them were from people who stay in town.  

The man leading the show in the center is a postmaster by profession. He was telling me the other day that people who did not have to struggle in their lives, are not coming out to help. It’s the needy and struggling college-goers or freshers from poor families who are helping run the centre.  And I realize that we need to build the people first who will build the society. Money will flow automatically.

So this is my note after the first two weeks of my vacation: I have a vision ( my ‘aim in life’ J) now. It may not be crystal clear, but at least it has recognizable features! I need to develop the skills and expertise to make it true. I need resources, ‘people’ being the most important of them.  

“One man may hit the mark, another blunder; but heed not these distinctions. Only from the alliance of the one, working with and through the other, are great things born.” 

Of People and Morals....

One more thing I like in Teach For India is the variety of people in the organisation.  Each individual comes with a unique geography, history, economy and philosophy.  Before coming here, all my friends were engineer, doctor or teachers. Here I come across people who studied law, psychology, worked as a journalist, worked as a volunteer in commonwealth games, artist and at the same time they are avid runner, passionate biker and ardent trekker. And I have stopped counting the number of people who run marathons. It’s sort of an eye-opener for me.  There are so many things we can do other than just sitting in a cubicle and repenting.

Talking about people, I had a different experience last December. We had a retreat in Ahmedabad in end of December. We closely watched the work of another NGO, Manav Sadhana(an NGO based in the Gandhi Ashram, Ahmedabad, is dedicated to the upliftment of the underprivileged through love.). They are working there for last 22 years. And we could actually see the outcome their hard work. I spent a day with a Manav Sadhana volunteer, Anita Behen. She is in charge of an anganwadi (Child Care Center) in a slum which houses 200 families. Anita behen takes care of 30-35 children aged 3-6 from 11am-3pm 6 days a week. I took a stroll through the community with her. And I was surprised to see the clean roads and houses there. Anita Behen also gives advice to the pregnant women in the community. But she said convincing people for family planning is the biggest challenge there. People want at least two sons. Their logic: If one boy does not look after us, the other one will. The father spends up everything he earns in alcohol. So the mother hands over the younger ones to the eldest sibling (5-6 yr olds) and goes out for work. That’s why most of the children don’t even go to primary school.  

But how better is the situation for people like Anita Behen? Well, hardly any better.  In a country where people are obsessed with the male child, we saw examples of just how unwanted the female child is. Girls don’t even get a mention when people visit their families.  Almost all of us had the same experience with different families we stayed with.  

Coming back to my kiddos, one thing we realize is that it does not matter how well a child does in academics, if he/she is not a good person. One of my girls stole my pouch the other day. After 3-4 days my pouch was discovered in her bag. She confessed after a long time. But I could not see any sense of repentance in her eyes.  Her mother told me that she knows her daughter has this habit. Then she asks me how she is doing in studies. I just wonder what to say. I tell them moral stories, I give them scenarios and ask what is good and what is bad, but I don’t know how I can teach values.  Home is always the first place where children learn these things.  And that is not the best place always.

The other day I met the mother of my brightest kid for the first time. The lady told me about how great her son (who is in 3^rd standard in my school) was in studies and everything. But her daughter is not that good. I was shocked. I tried to convince that her daughter is superbly talented too. There are some parents who are too nosy. They call me up at every trivial instance (e.g. the kid was talking in the middle of a lesson and I asked her to sit on the floor as punishment). And there are some who don’t have any interest in what their children are up to. For example, a mom did not give lunch box to her son for a week for no good reason until I called her up.  Another kid got hurt while playing and I called the parent to take him home. No one came.  

As I go to the second year of my teaching, I don’t really want my children to get 80% in Maths or read 10 new storybooks. I just want them to be better people. I know there is no definition of a good person or no teaching method to teach values. I don’t really know how I would do that. But one thing I know for sure is, if not now, it would be too late. I see some higher standard students and feel awful. They don’t respect anyone, they don’t care about studies or parents or anything. All they love to do is hang out and pass comments on passerbys. I don’t want to see my kids there after 4-5 years. No one can stop them from doing it if does not come from within. Life is not easy. They will choose their own destiny. And the easier way to reach destiny is always the wrong way. Would they understand? 

Lessons of Life

Jia stepped into the flat of a 3 storied building. The interior was, well, as good as her own house. She could guess that Komal came from a better off family than her peers. But she did not expect this much.  Komal’s mother came out and greeted her. Somehow, as awful it may sound, she developed a kind of antipathy towards the child. Firstly, she missed school very often without a good reason.  And secondly, Jia felt a lack of dedication from both Komal and her Mom.

Komal was one of her weakest kids. One day, Jia struggled for a good 45 minutes to make her understand which number is bigger, 18 or 25. She ended up shouting at her. Komal had no number sense. When Jia asked her mother to send her to extra class, she told that there was no one to take her home. She added that Komal goes for tuition and also goes to abacas classes. She should pick up in few months. Jia was furious at this. Jia almost shouted at her over phone that she can send her to everywhere except her extra classes. ‘I work so hard so that I can give your children a better education and you are not even bothered.’…she thought.

Jia’s thoughts were disrupted as the lady started speaking …’There was little bit of problem with Komal. I did not realize that I was pregnant before 5-6 months into the pregnancy. Her father had an accident and I was spending my days at hospital when I discovered I was pregnant. And then her father died. After her father died, I almost went mad. For 4-5 years, I was just not myself. I don’t know how Komal grew up. I was married just after I completed school. I never went to college. So when her father died, I did not have any mental strength or ability to support the business we had. We had to sell off most of it. I had two more children who were 10 and 12 at that time. They went to big reputed schools. I did not put Komal in those schools as I could not prepare her for it. She started her studies only last year. That is why she is little poor in studies.

Jia felt suffocated. She just felt so guilty in her heart that she could not look into the eyes of the woman in front of her. Komal is just a kid. And whatever her background is, Jia should never be so harsh to anyone. After all, she is here to make a difference in the kids’ lives. Isn’t it the sole purpose that she joined the movement called Teach For India for? She was ashamed of her actions.

 ‘I believe education makes a woman stronger ‘….the lady continued. ‘That’s why I want my girls to have a good education. I want them to be on their own before getting married. I did not even go to college. I was devastated after my husband expired. I could not look after the business. I still feel if I were a little more educated, I would have some confidence. I cannot even go and pick up grocery myself. I don’t talk to anyone except my relatives. I live in this constant fear that something bad is coming on my way. ‘

Jia came home with a heavy heart. She could make out that Komal’s mother is still not in a normal state. She would break into laughter all of a sudden and would go completely silent in the middle of a conversation. May be, this will remain her ‘normal’ state for the rest of her life. Jia opened her laptop and started looking for resources in the internet to help little Komal. Life teaches us lessons that education never can. But education can prepare us to face life and learn its lessons in a better way. It’s Jia’s responsibility to endow Komal with that power of education in her journey in life.  

Confessions Of A Teacher

As a child, whenever people asked me what I want to be, I used to tell them ‘anything except a teacher’. Somehow, the idea of a teacher to me was that he/she has a very boring job. They have to teach and re-teach the same thing year after year. There are only few students who pay attention in the class. There are fewer students who actually listen to what the teachers are teaching. And when they don’t like a teacher, they give you funny (if not embarrassing) nicknames! So what is the point being a teacher?

I grew up to be an engineer and I thought what if I would have been a teacher like my father? I could see disastrous results. The primary reason being my impatience. Whenever I tried to help my little sister in studies, I ended up shouting at her. I just failed to fathom how anyone can not get a simple logic after being explained not once but twice or thrice. I used to get mad at her repeated questions and inability to solve problems. I had no patience to dig and find out the gap in her knowledge which was responsible for this. This is one of the reasons that my sister got disinterested in studies.

So when I joined TFI, this was a very deep concern in my heart. As a bookworm, I never had to take help of any visual cue or any other form of manipulative to understand something. So it’s hard. It’s not a ‘Been there….done that’ situation for me. It is challenging to get into someone’s shoes and see the problem of his/her perspective when you don’t have any problem at all. There are many times in these three months that I have lost my patience. I became irritated. And I got frustrated when my kid said ‘Didi, I did not understand’. For me, it’s like how can you not understand this simple thing? Look at your peers. I just told them once and they are solving problems. All the time I tell them that they have to tell me in case they did not get it. But when they tell me, I don’t get it why not. But I am learning. I am learning to have patience. I am learning to re-teach what I taught the previous day when the child did the similar mistakes again! I am learning to teach in a way that they learn after getting their problems. I understood that if they don’t learn in the way I teach, I have to find out another route.

I am biased towards Maths. It has always been my favourite subject. Each Friday, I take their Math and English tests. I am very keen to check the papers after they are done. And when someone gets full marks in Maths, I feel the same excitement I felt in my school days. My Maths teacher gave a special prize to me every year for getting 100 out of 100 in the subject. And my joy knew no bounds on the prize giving day. It was a dismal performance last week. Nobody scored full marks. I felt miserable as a teacher. But interestingly, many people got full marks in the English paper which caused me even more heart burns.

One thing that is very exciting to me while checking answer sheets is the error pattern. This is very helpful for the teachers to understand where the gap is. For example, I was doing 2 digit addition problems one day. And my poor child got all of his sums wrong. I checked his paper and to my surprise found out that he added the digits horizontally instead of vertically! There was another child who was adding all three digits together whenever I gave him a problem of adding a 2-digit number to an one-digit number.  If you know what the disease is, you can think of a remedy. But if you fail to make diagnosis, the disease becomes incurable. I have at least 3 kids like that. I am yet to reach the root of their problem. Patience, patience!!

But what is it that keeps me doing all the things that I do every day? I don’t get a fat pay cheque. I don’t sit in an AC office. I don’t eat out with friends every other day. I don’t complain about the office hours or work pressure or the work culture either. But I do get the smiles and the scores!  I love my job. I love my kids. I never realized I love children so much. When they greet me as I come back to the class after their Marathi period, I feel overwhelmed every single day. When they say ‘Didi, wash your hand?’ before having their lunch and I smile and say why would you wash Didi’s hand? Say ‘Didi, wash my hand?’ When I hear little Aditya(who struggles in English) trying to say 2-3 English words, I feel ecstatic. When I see ‘I love you Smita Didi’ written in the black board, I wonder if I felt the same thrill when I got proposed to.  I hug them, I kiss them, I give them high fives. And what do I get in return? I get all these things back 34 times. Life…..is beautiful as a teacher.

One class, Many stories

It was my greatest birthday gift ever. I got to see my kids for the first time on my 29^th birthday. I was hugely excited. But at the same time, I was scared. I had plans for the day. But what if they don’t work? What if I lose control? What if it’s all chaos? With all these thoughts in my mind, I entered the school. I put my bags in the class and came out in the playground.

There I met my first child. Sweta. I hugged her and told her that I am her ‘Didi’. She gave me a smile and went to the class. After a few  minutes, Meenaakshi, a 2010 fellow teaching in the same school, pointed to a kid and said…’Look at that kid…he is like..lost!!’. And then I saw him. That was Pervez. A tiny cutie one with sparkling white teeth and dreamy eyes.

One by one they came. The day went smoothly, I mean, almost. It was not as fun as I wanted it to be. I am not a naturally funny person. Sense of humor is something I seriously lack in. But I need to acquire this skill as fast as possible. It’s been five days of teaching and I am getting to know about my children slowly.   

Pervez was the first child I instantly connected with. Though we haven’t talked much and I can still see fear in his eyes sometimes, when I smile, he smiles back to me and ohh boy! I can die for that smile! On first two days, he sat in the last bench and kept staring out of the window throughout the class. I tried to grab his attention quite a few times, but in vain. So I made him sit in the first bench, in front of my watchful eyes. May be to him, I acted like that villainous teacher of Ishaan Awasti in TZP who did not let him do the same thing…L. But I was so surprised when I saw a totally different Pervez when I took my camera to the classroom. No song, dance or activity that I did till now excited him at all. But I saw his face all lighted up while Didi was taking his photo and yeah…that killer smile!!

Nisha and Nausheen are best friends. They are the smartest kids in the class. Whenever I ask for words with an alphabet, Nausheen thinks of a different word that I have not told or others didn’t tell. And Nisha has such a lovely hand-writing. Her Math skills are in the higher level in the class. They commute to school in shared auto. The other day I heard ‘didi, didi’ from inside an auto. When I looked at the auto, I saw no one. I went closer and peeped inside. And to my surprise, I found these two lovely girls sitting in the back of the auto, I mean in the space behind the passenger seat. Then 6-7 kids came and sat on the seat. When I left, they were still waiting for few more kids to come!

And there is Tushar. Though he is lagging behind academically, he is the most silent and obedient child of mine. I have not seen him doing any mischief inside or outside of the class. But the sad part is, I haven’t seen him smile at all. He is super-enthusiastic in class. He was the first boy to get a smiley star. I actually asked him to smile many times while I was taking his photo. He just tried to widen his lips. I need to figure out the reason behind his sadness.

Then there is Vivek. Well behind his peers in studies. But he is so so enthusiastic that I had some hard time listening to him! Whenever I am teaching, he will come up with something or the other that he wants to tell Didi every few minutes. I had to stick to my rule of ‘I only understand English’ to make the frequency much less!

The one thing that is bothering me very much is the lack of empathy among the children. Even if they are best friends, they won’t share such little things as eraser or a sharpener until I interfere. I just could not understand why it is so. I was really disturbed when I encountered many more instances like this. Then after discussing with my co-fellows, I learned that this behavior comes from the fear of being scolded at home when they lose something at school. I need to reflect over this issue to think about some strategy to deal with it.

Another low moment for me would be when I saw some other teacher scolding kids in a disgustingly insulting manner. I saw the fear in the kid’s eyes and I felt like apologizing to him. But when I hear stories from my co-fellows, I feel so much relieved that at least I don’t have to watch my children being hit by teachers. That would be the last thing I can bear with.  

As I prepare for my school tomorrow morning, I see myself standing in front of 36 curious pair of eyes…I see myself responsible for the transformation of 36 untouched souls. I am nervous and I am constantly asking myself whether I am right for each of my actions in the class. I wish I could tell my children that I am learning too.

Reflection, Life Map and Shaheen

            What makes TFI special may be a thousand things for thousand people. But the thing closest to my heart (and I am sure I am not alone) is the ‘powerful’ sessions conducted here. When I say ‘Powerful’, I am blending all the adjectives like intense, emotional, passionate and invigorating. After each of these sessions, I feel like I can do anything, run a marathon, move a mountain or even win Tour De France. Each time, I believe more than ever that ‘impossible’ is I aM Possible.

The series started with the ‘Life Map’ session on the third day of our induction. We were divided into small groups of 10-15 lead by our PMs(mostly ex-TFI and ex-TFA fellows). Our PM created an atmosphere of faith, trust and comfort among these 15 almost strangers. He led the way by sharing his most personal experiences in life. We felt safe in the circle of trust where we can talk about our pain, guilt or shame without being judged. One by one, we shared our stories; incidents that shaped our lives, people who made us who we are and our most private moments which we may not have shared with anyone else before. Throughout the session, we felt a connection with each other in some way, maybe we shared the same emotions in some part of our lives, or maybe we felt the similar sadness some time. The session lasted for 10 hours till 1:30 at night. We were terribly exhausted at the end. But when we look back, we understand, it was this single intense session that built the bond which we have today with each one of us.

‘Reflection’ is an exercise which TFI-ans practice every other day. In simple words, it means talking to yourself. It may be after a unique experience like visiting a community (Slum) and connecting with a child or about a question that you ask yourself. How are you feeling inside? I don’t think I have talked to myself this much in years that I have in last three weeks. When you hear 14 year olds talk about the big goals in their lives, you question yourself ‘Do you have a clear idea like this at 28?’ At times, you are surprised when one fellow expresses the same thoughts as you are having in your mind. Sometime, you would be surprised why you did not think in this perspective. It helps to gain a clear conception about what you are, what you want and what you can be.

Last Friday we had another immensely powerful session called ‘I have a dream.. .’. We were supposed to share our dreams in this session. The single most critical requirement for these sessions is creating the right atmosphere. If we are able to connect to the atmosphere, then the rest of the session follows naturally. We were shown the famous Martin Luther King speech of the same name. After that, one of our senior fellows shared his speech that he wrote as a letter to his children (We refer to our students as our children, quite naturally). We reflected on our dreams for some time. Then we wrote down whatever thoughts we had in our minds. Many of us shared their speech afterwards standing in a chair in front of 43 other fellows. And while each of them spoke out, we felt like they were reading out our emotions too. All of us experienced an adrenaline rush. Some talked about love, some talked about hope, and some talked about belief. It just filled all of us with the hope that there is still hope, that there is still light. We all want to reach the same destination in our own unique ways. But isn’t it the destination that matters?

And of course each time Shaheen(TFI CEO) takes a session, she just creates a magic in the room. She has this aura of simplicity and humility that makes her a part of all of our lives. We just love her sessions which are full of stories; stories of hope, stories of joy, stories of pain, stories of victory. She takes us through each story as if it’s us who are experiencing those emotions. And when we sing ‘I hope you dance’ or ‘Heal the world’, holding each other’s hand or a candle, we feel like we are ‘ONE’.

One Team, One Mission!

                                                                                                                                                        

I am alive

                 What was the last time you felt alive? Well for me, it feels like I was asleep for so many years till 29^th of April, 2011. Suddenly I woke up hearing a loud cheer and applaud saying ‘New Fellowwww’. And since then, I don’t want to go to that sleeping mode again.

                 Before coming here, I saw and read about the achievements of young children all over TFI classrooms. But when we actually saw them perform on stage on our opening ceremony, we had a hard time believing our own eyes. What was it? A miracle? And that too was achieved within just 8 months in classroom? It was overwhelming. 4/5^th standard children, who could not speak even a sentence in English, had no faith in themselves 8 months ago, were now performing a skit on stage all on their own.  It was the best welcome ever. And the man who made it possible was a TFI fellow who had deep faith in what we now call ‘sense of possibility’ in TFI lingo.

                  The next day, we were introduced to young boys and girls who were being taught by Akansha(Sister of TFI) for the last 10/11 years. And if we thought last night was a miracle, what would we call it? They came from slums in Mumbai. But when they started speaking in English, I thought I never heard this much perfect pronunciation from anyone else other than TV News presenters. And I am not exaggerating. They spoke about their lives, from what they want to achieve and what they thought changed their perspective on life. If I had a small percentage of clarity about myself like them, my life would have changed. They are already winners in their lives and way ahead from all of us in terms of knowledge and self-confidence. But it was not very easy. It was the sweet outcome of the tremendous hard work and dedication both from the children and the teachers. As Shaheen puts it, there are no words like ‘good’ or ‘nice’ in Anjali Didi’s dictionary. Her children only know words like ‘excellent’, ‘stupendous’, ‘outstanding’.  And it shows.

             These experiences were emotional and sometimes overwhelming.  We were constantly reminded of the challenges we had and were shown the results of hard work.  We are told many times that it just may change your life. And we saw that happen to people, 2010 and 2009 fellows. These set of people work day in and day out and still offer you help when you are struck.  There are exhausting sessions, lesson plans from morning till night. And its these set of people who have kept us motivated and inspired with catchy chants, insane cheers, superb skits and above all impeccable warmth. The next week is going to be super-challenging as we visit the summer school for the first time. I am nervous, exited but confidant to pull it through. So bring it on!

            Shaheen handed over the firkis to us at the end of the opening ceremony as a symbol of the movement that we are part of. We hold the firki(spinning wheel) in our hands now. And we know we don’t need to wait for wind to spin it. We know it will spin if we start running. So here we run!